I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
