I'm jealous of your bromance
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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