Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
