Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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