I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
