It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
