There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
