she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
