9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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