Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
