So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
