My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
