totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
