Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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