It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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