He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
