Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
