Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
