Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
