arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm really busy with my period
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