and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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