Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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