Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
