i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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