He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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