Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dignity is for republicans.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
