I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
