I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
