I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
