I feel like I'm in dance class right now
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
