I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
