We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
3pm strippers are depressing
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
