i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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