Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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