Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
