He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
