she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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