and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
