Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Everything about him screamed your future.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
