so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
