i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
