There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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