I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
