My friends, they love my intelligence
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
