I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
