just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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