Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My balls are so social today.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
