You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
