i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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