Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
