Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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