You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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