yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
