Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
