Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
